And so it happens again :(

I haven’t updated, as I’ve been trying to process what’s happened….for the second time. My tww was pretty uneventful. I had slight cramps, a little brown spotting, nausea, as well as feeling tired. All things that could be blamed on the progesterone and other medicinal cocktail I was on. I was however, very optimistic that this was going to be it. I really really believed it was going to work.

My first beta was last Tuesday, which came back at 15. My first thought was chemical, which the nurse said was probably the case. However, he said there’s always a chance that it was just a late implanter, so to come back Thursday for another beta. Well after doing some research, and fining similar stories of women getting low beta numbers around the same dpo (16), and going on to have healthy pregnancies, I was still oddly optimistic. I held on to the hope that this was still going to work. Thursday came, and beta came back at 12. Confirmed chemical. 😦

I’m devastated and torn. Torn between feeling optimistic that at least 2 in a row have started implanting, which has to be a good sign…..and feeling worried about the reason that I can’t STAY pregnant. Tears come at random times, and then the next minute I’ll feel optimistic. Damned mood swings.

We had an appointment with the RE Thursday. I have to say, that it really helped. 1. he’s really optimistic that this could work for us, since my body seems to WANT to be pregnant. He also suggested we double check that the donor has confirmed pregnancies, as when we chose the donor he was brand new and the pregnancy report was 0. Sure enough, there are pregnancies reported, which makes me feel better. 2nd, he suggested we do another hysteroscopy before trying again, as the last one was in September, and you  never know, polyps can always come back. If so, that could be the reason that the embryos aren’t developing properly. He also reminded us, that transferring a healthy embryo into a healthy uterus still only carries a 50-60% chance of becoming a live birth. Yes those odds are great, but it’s still not a guarantee. On average it takes 3 of those transfers to guarantee a baby. 2 down 1 to go right? Sigh……I hope so.

So here we are. This next month we will do a hysteroscopy which means we can’t do a transfer. We went ahead and decided to use all our air travel points (which we’ve accumulated with our our medical expenses!!!) and head to Europe for a couple weeks at the end of July. We will spend most of the time with family who lives over there, and get to do some touristy stuff on our own as well. It falls right around our anniversary as well, so we’re really looking forward to a nice getaway. Hopefully it will do us some good, and be in a better place to start again in August.

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2 thoughts on “And so it happens again :(

  1. I’m so sorry it didn’t work. Take the time to feel however you need to feel about all of it before you move on. It sounds like your Dr is thinking positive about your chances, so that’s good. And great for you guys to get away for a few weeks and regroup and have some fun!

    Liked by 1 person

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