So here I am, just over a week into taking meds, and about a third of the way through the cycle. My next scan is tomorrow, and HOPEFULLY they will tell me everything is good and book the transfer for the end of the week. Fingers crossed!
This cycle has been very different for me. First of all, being the first cycle after the miscarriage, I’ve got a whole new level of fear and anxiety. I no longer wish to just be pregnant, I now realize that just being pregnant isn’t enough. My inner wishing process is now “I hope I get pregnant AND have a healthy baby”. Because, being pregnant isn’t enough. I also have a strange optimism, that this cycle HAS to work. Actually, I’m not sure if you can call it optimism, it’s more like a panicky fear, that it HAS to work, because I honestly don’t know what I’ll do if it fails. But let’s just call it optimism, because that’s what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing. Right…yeah ok.
The meds didn’t seem to affect me too much the first couple days, but I can tell you that now, my hormones are in FULL swing, and I feel very sorry that my husband has to take the brunt of it! It started on Tuesday, when I made the stupid mistake to drag my butt out to Costco. Now, Costco on a good day, is not my favourite place. But Tuesday was a special day. So as I had the excellent idea to wait until the long weekend was over, and head over there on the Tuesday afternoon while everyone else is working, there was another demographic of people who had the same idea. Who you might ask? Well, stay at home moms of course! But not just any stay at home moms, Tuesday was apparently reserved for new mommies to take out their newborns. I somehow missed the memo that Tuesday was bring your newborn to Costco day. I’m telling you, at the check-out, I was both in front of AND behind mom’s cooing over their little babies. The kicker? Every one of them seemed to be about 5-10 years younger than me. So, I went about my business, got into my car, and out of nowhere, the hysterical meltdown started. Thank you Estrace, I blame you on this one. So that was the end of my shopping this week. Hey, at least I made it out of the house.
So since Tuesday there have been almost daily meltdowns. I went to my family doctor on Friday to get a medical leave from work, as I just can’t even fathom taking care of a room full of 7-year olds right now, let alone trying to TEACH them anything. This came with a recommendation from my therapist, and my doctor fully agreed that my priority right now was my mental health. He also explained that Estrace increases your anxiety levels, and progesterone increases depression levels. Great!
To sum up, although FET’s are 100% easier on the body than the daily multiple injections, they still wreak havoc on your system. Like every other part of this infertility journey, they suck. Plain and simple. But we don’t have a choice, so away we go.